another hero for all us smart-asses

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Thankyou for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.

Regards, David.



From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you have at the premises?

Helen



From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled championships. For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released adrenaline will spur them on to being winners. I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on coming first place.

Regards, David.



From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am unsure what to make of your email. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?

Helen



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

No. I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.

Regards, David.



From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1.46pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

You cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs others. I am sure you can appreciate that these rules are for the benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You cannot have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be ok.

Helen



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2.18pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

They are very small ducks.

Regards, David.



From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, under section 4 of the strata residency agreement it states that you cannot have pets. You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms. These rules are set out to benefit everyone in the building including yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?

Helen



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5.02pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon so it will not be an issue. It is probably for the best as they are not getting along very well with my seventeen cats anyway. .

Regards, David.



From: Helen Bailey
Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated and you do not have any pets.

Helen

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

bored baseball players get into a dance-off

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

one month's growth - then and now in my garden.

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

If You Live In Houston, You're Probably a Bottom

New York, of course, had the highest percentage of tops seeking companionship, because it's just that kinda town, I guess.

For those of you who need these wacky terms explained:

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

Granny get your gun! she spent 32 years in prison for attempting to assassinate President Gerald Ford

To look at this 80-year-old grandmotherly woman, it is difficult to imagine that she spent 32 years in prison for attempting to assassinate President Gerald Ford, but that's exactly what happened. On September 22, 1975 in San Francisco, Sara Jane Moore fired a shot at President Ford that missed his head by several feet. A bystander wrestled her to the ground before she was taken into custody by authorities. In 1979 she even escaped prison!

Moore was a 45-year-old divorced mother who hung around disaffected groups feeding her alienation. Looking back on the incident, she says of her earlier self that it seems like a "different person."

it's hard to keep in mind that so many of the granny and grandpop cuddly looking folks out there were so radical, and maybe some still are... the image of an extremist is so closely associated with youth that there is a slight cognitive dissonance between the mannerisms and appearance vs the radical past. this West Virginia woman looks like she just wants to pinch someone's cheeks and give them a cookie and some milk...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'

Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

The 7 Mind-Blowing Foreign TV Moments

The 7 Most Mind-Blowing Foreign TV Moments -- powered by Cracked.com

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

modern americana - 1 - gaspowered la-z-y boy

EMBED-The Gas-Powered La-Z-Boy - Watch more free videos

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

Dionysios McCutcheon in "Where are the roots?"

A man visiting a friend begins hearing moaning and painful screams. Initially, he is unaware of where the painful noises emanate, but he soon learns of the origins and the cause of such agonizing unbearable noise.

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

1930s Futuristic Fashion Predictions

Amusing predictions by american fashion designers from the 1930s of what the well-dressed man and woman would be wearing in the year 2000.

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

Best Volunteer Experience In Spain?

Lisa Lubin explains how to enjoy a week of good wine and great conversation in the heart of Spain - for free.

I had my own small ‘villa’ that I shared with Potola, a boisterous and hilarious flight attendant from Madrid.

Our ‘casa’ was just steps from the lobby and bar so it was so easy to stumble to bed before sunrise, and get up the next morning (even if it was only a few hours later) and just walk over to my next session of speaking English. There was no commute, no metro, no taxi. You just walked home in two minutes. Life was simple and good.

It was easy for me, but much harder and more tiring for the Spaniards who had to do everything in their second language. Imagine being constantly forced to speak Spanish all day. Your brain would be so tired. And even when they were ‘enjoying the fruits of the vine” (read: drunk) and dancing they were still speaking English.

After a week of fun, we all ‘graduated’ and received our certificates for completing not only a week long English ‘course’ but one of the most fun weeks I’ve had in a long time.

the article:
http://matadorchange.com/pueblo-ingles-quite-possibly-the-single-best-volunteer-experience-in-spain/

the official website:
http://www.morethanenglish.com/anglos/index.asp

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

Job Hunting In The Web 2.0 Jungle

Jason, your insights are wonderful and I am glad to see you here on Huff. My only thought to add is that it would be interesting to here your advice for someone who was not seeking to eventually be a CEO, regional office manager, even a basic secretary... All statements that advise caution as to how and where and when to post information to the internet should be taken very seriously! You must be aware (for some it is perhaps too late?) that anything and everything you ever post(ed) to the internet can be found. For the relative newbie - anyone who entered the internet era after, say, 2000 - this should be re-iterated again and again. What might be interesting to see would be two different followups.



1: What should the person who already made all of these erroneous statement online do now if they do not wish them to become known.



2: What is the best route for the person who has chosen a non-traditional career to promote their interests. The Artist? The career sex worker (they do exist - and they retire before 40... :) The cirque du soliel performer - what-have-you, who wants to specifically promote the fact that they are "out there?" One instance comes to mind - Andy Warhol. What would be the best way to promote himself online? I appreciate your article and and agree with it, but I wanted to raise another scenario or two for your consideration :)

-Matt
About Twitter
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

Working Mom's "Quality Time" Breakdown

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

Elisabeth Hasselbeck V. Jesse “The Body” Ventura On Torture

Celebrity Buzz I love to hate Hasselbeck. It's like Jesse Ventura bobs her in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper, then rubs her nose in her business a bit. Maybe this time she'll learn.

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...

My proposed bike network for Woodbury/Westville NJ

A full size map is also available here: http://quikmaps.com/full/104243

Here is an unofficial proposal I have been working on for a bicycle network utilizing existing paths, proposed new paths and bicycle lanes that would be relatively easy and inexpensive to construct covering areas of Woodbury and West Deptford, NJ. By adding approximately 1.6 miles of new bike path and between 2 and 3 miles of bike lanes the total uninterrupted bike network would equal approximately 7.5 miles, be in close proximity to a number of facilities and within 1 mile of the majority of residents of both municipalities.

You can zoom in for much more detail or zoom out if you are unfamiliar with the general area. To zoom in and out or to navigate around the map use the arrows and plus or minus signs at the top left of the map.

Details that become apparent as you zoom in include:type of path, services and institutions that would be served and recreational and educational opportunities denoted by assorted icons explained in greater detail below:

• type of path

1. pre-existing bicycle paths = green
2. proposed simple paved paths = yellow
3. proposed path elements that may involve some cost or engineering attention = red
4. proposed bicycle lanes on existing road surfaces = blue
5. possible extensions that might make additional funding possible = pink (specifically linking the network to the Red Bank State Park {additional state funding} and a nearby complex of County and State Offices {additional state and county funding}.
   

• services and institutions that would be served including

1. Riverwinds Sports, art and entertainment Complex and Golf Club
2. West Deptford Municipal Complex and Court
3. West Deptford Public Library
4. West Deptford High School
5. Woodbury High school
6. Underwood Memorial Hospital
7. Gloucester County Courthouse, County Seat and Family Court

• recreational and educational opportunities denoted by assorted icons

1. Tree - natural area
2. Flower - indigenous flora
3. Ladybug - various wildlife
4. Football - sports facilities
5. Guitar - music arts and cultural facilities
6. Book - educational facilities
7. Footprints - hiking opportunities

By utilizing existing open public space and taking advantage of roads that would be relatively easy to incorporate bike lanes into the plan eliminates most of not all issues of eminent domain and most more complex engineering issues (the underpass along Woodbury Creek beneath I295 and Crown Point Roads would require some cost and moderate engineering issues but would allow a far greater area to be incorporated into the network while maximizing rider safety and enjoyment.) The exact path from the existing short trail in Woodbury in the vicinity of the High School, sports and health care facilities north to the Crown Point road area would best be determined by siting the route along those portions that would require the least among of environmental research and alteration and by choosing higher ground when needed to avoid bridges or boardwalks of any kind.

An example of a simple and inexpensive bike path can be found in the neighboring towns of Glassboro and Williamstown where an existing but unused railroad right-of-way was used to create a 6.36 miles mile simple paved path with a minimum of engineering, construction, environmental and maintenance costs. Plans have already been enacted to extend this path along Rt322 which would increase the length of the trail to a distance of 7.5 miles.

There's More... Expand Full Post

Contract Post...