Alright, "the flip flop story"... as some of you may know i was once in the usmc for a split second...

...actually 2 months and left just before bootcamp finished. this is nescessary to know because the following story is all about me and the usmc and an errant flip flop...

already - an errant flip flop - it makes me giggle...

{longest blog ever - matt's note}

USMC or DHS please let me know if this post violates ur rules or whatnot...


im sure there are details that made it sparkle when told fresh and new when it first happened that i will leave out - please, if you heard the first telling of the flip flop story leave some comments below if i left anything essential or even mildly interesting, out ok?

so here goes.

at one point in the 1990's i thought it would be a good idea to join the military - learn what they had to offer, do my duty and move on. Well, it wasn't a good idea for me - or at least it wasn't a good idea to join the Marines. I was warned by several old and crusty marines that it wasn't a good idea and i shouldn't show up for my intake. I had a great boyfriend at the time, he was former air force military police - so he thought it would be a great idea and encouraged me - as did all other air force and navy folk... see who encouraged and who didn't and take a hint...

at my testing session - like the SATs but for the military so there is a lot of "rotate this object in space" etc questions - i did surprisingly well, in fact i was in second place of all the 200 guys who took the test that day. Interestingly this was my downfall...

"How?" do you ask - well my original, somewhat more rational idea was to join the marines, experience boot camp, and then do the reserves. I applied to fill planes with fuel. What you apply for means nothing, and especially when you get some super score and they decide they have all sorts of other things in mind for you.

after my results came out of the little machine i was taken immediately back to my recruiter. he had a whole speech prepared for me: i could do the refuel/reserve thing or i could take advantage of my score and become an NCO. An NCO is a Non-Commissioned Officer. Usually you have to have a degree beyond high school to be an Officer, but due to my scores I could be an Officer even without college. Total flattery number one. total flattery number two was that i could fly. FLY! in the marines.. it's actually really hard to be able to actually fly in the Air Force let alone the Marines, so my recruiter laid out this whole scenario where i could go to Florida and spend 2 years becoming a pilot and then 3 years with them and then i could fly a plane for a living.

well, i fell for it....

i arrived at boot camp in the middle of the night on a bus and we sat in the dark....
then the dude came on, smokey bear hat and all...

he started yelling and we started obeying and obey i did until the very end.

to our arrival on paris island: we were marched first out of the bus onto the famous yellow footprints that are laid out - miraculously for the same number of people on the bus. We were abused verbally (who would not expect such on joining the USMC?) for a few minutes and then led into a building that looked like a typical big town high school -

inside we waited in single file to have our hair shorn off one by one, to turn the corner to the barber was a big deal - mine was already buzzed so i found this uneventful. then we were led off to this conveyor belt where we received our "new clothes and shoes and toiletries" - this was a horrible experience as we had to strip naked and leave everything we had brought along with us behind in brown paper bags (which much to my surprise i did receive back in the end) with our names on them to be reclaimed at such time as we left boot camp. this is where the number one problem came in for me:

my boots did not fit - at all...

my boots were at least two sizes too small and i had to wear sneakers which led to my eventual banishment from the drill squad because of course - i looked like a dork - the only one in sneakers out of all the squad - duh!

anyway- we went from this room with the conveyor-belt-of-new-belongings out to a "staging area" where we were made to wait... for hours - and i am not exaggerating - hours.... - with our backpacks full of all our new stuff.

after these several hours STANDING with our backpacks full of our new gear in silence and in pain we were led into a room where we were seated at desks. we had not been to sleep in over 48 hours and they did not intend, in any way shape or form, to allow it now.

we were informed that the USMC knew everything about us and that if we did not 'fess up' now we would be in jail or whatnot. there was a huge line of people who had former illegal activities or other impediments to joining the marine corp who went up one by one and explained what it was that they had done wrong. in today's military environment 90 percent of them would have been fine (research changed military rules in the last two years), back then? i don't know how many passed?

i did go up. i said - i should never have joined - "this is completely wrong for me and i made a completely wrong decision."

i was laughed at and sent back to my desk (exactly the desk u imagine - a high school desk - all in one unit).

after some weeks in boot camp..................................

i had become used to the usual morning toiletries - we had 3 (yes three) minutes to run nude from our bunks - into the showers - and then back nude to our bunks to be yelled at for some random reason (u r never praised in the USMC boot camp - no matter how good you do).

and THIS is where the flip flop story actually starts:

as per all shower times; we were (all 30 or 40 of us) ordered as per usual to remove all of our clothes immediately and without warning, then we were suddenly shouted at to go to the showers - by this time knowing that we had an unreasonably short time to clean our bodies.

the only item we were permitted to wear into the showers were our "united states marine corp official flip flops".

first of all the very sentence "united states marine corp official flip flops" is an absurdity in it's own rite.

but none the less i had done it before and i would do it again.

the problem came when exiting the showers.

there was basically a herd mentality when the three minute whistle blew. 30-40 naked men in flip flops all came raging out of the showers trying to get to their place at their bunks. of course the last to arrive would be ridiculed and made to do some terrible exercise until the very moment of death and then allowed to return to their bunk. i wanted no such thing so i moved with the heard and even in front of it - however....

midway through the barracks-herd heading towards my bunk my left flip flop fell off.. i found this horribly funny at the time given the immense pressure of the entire situation. i stopped and laughed. this was not the correct response.

one of the three drill instructors that we had for our platoon noticed this massive faux pas. he stopped me - mid-herd - and said (or shouted with spit flying all over my face) "Is something funny recruit?"

We were required to call ourselves by the third person - never say you - always say "this recruit"

so i responded "THIS RECRUIT LOST HIS LEFT FLIPFLOP SIR!"

and of course - ..... it seemed all the more absurd once i said it, so i laughed again.

it was not received well, but i was able to turn around - post herd - and retrieve my flip flop and make my way back to my bunk. i'm pretty sure someone else was ridiculed at the bunks because i don't remember being ridiculed at that time and i remember being ridiculed two or three more times - ask about the boot through the footlocker story! to come soon! :) it's also a good one.... sorry anyway....

so - thats the flip flop story - i always felt you needed to be there but apparently it was a great hit after i returned from boot camp.

i left shortly after we did "pugil sticks" - - i did really bad at pugil sticks :(

(why did i return from boot camp without entering the marines?* - Official explaination "not fit for the USMC at this time." real reason - ask me later)

if you arrive from the dhs or the USMC and wish me to retract any of my statements - well, in light of the current political situation i suppose i will - free speech withstanding. love u all.

if you remember my first telling of this story at wolf ave please remind me of anything i may have left out!

* if it has the word MARINE in it you should figure water will be involved! however, while i was there i heard of two drill instructors committing suicide in the last 6 months as well as recruits who died. one recruit i met when we were already in the "decompression" troop told me he had just gotten up one day and started walking into the middle of the firing range during rifle practice. he just didn't vare anymore. this was one of the deep southern accent guys. i felt really bad for him because where ever he went back to probably wouldnt have the bemused reaction all of my jersey family and friends had when i came home early.

however - props where props are due:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y90UPLLo6nY

and finally some good old marine corp marching cadences:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y90UPLLo6nY

ley-o ley-o ley-o riagh!