UNcyclopedia does the irish

"Proper Use and Care Of Your Irishman

An Irishman's hair should be treated daily in a solution of Kool-Aid and egg dye to preserve colour. Combing their long manes with a little brush, and thinking of ways to smite the British. Although most functioning Irishmen have brown or black hair, a disproportionate number of 'broken' Irish Americans have red hair due to improper solar exposure and a viking tainted genetic background. Skin may be bleached, as there isn't any colour to be washed anyway, and those freckles definitely aren't going anywhere.

Apart from the red haired or 'broken' Irish, all other flavours are in fact solar powered. When in it's natural cloud covered, rain soaked, cold, sodden, damp, dour, grey, briar dragging, bog covered, mud soaked misery of an environment the Irish is somnabulant and despairing, prone to alcohlism, sporadic violence and misery. Stick one in a country with regular exposure to sunlight and they become "great workers", "tanned", "cheery" and rich. Plans are afoot for a trial swap of small towns in Ireland and Mexico starting with Ballingarry and Guadaljara (soon to be renamed Guadal O'Hara). By 2057 full transplantation will have taken place.

CAUTION: Store your Irishman in a cool, moist space, and DO NOT EXPOSE TO SUNLIGHT. If exposed to sunlight, red discoloration is normal. Pickle in a solution of aloe vera and vitamin E for several weeks before returning to normal activity. If your Irishman experiences trembling, loss of appetite and general unpleasantness, get him drunk. When properly restored to his normal cheeriness, your now inebriated irishman will let you know by speaking to you in a secret Irish language composed of the moans, grunts and other guttural interjections or drunkards across the world. (see Gaelic)

WARNING: You should not use your Irishman if you are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant. Do not use your Irishman if you are on medication, such as MAOIs, COX-2 inhibitors, or crack. Consult your doctor before using an Irishman if you are suffering from liver disease or advanced renal failure. Irishman may cause mild side effects, such as dry mouth, dizziness, insomnia, children, sweating, and, in the case of Northerners, often death. See a physician for more details. "

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Irish